Hey everyone welcome back. So we know that oftentimes sex, porn and masturbation can be lumped together but there are distinct differences between the three. It’s important that you understand the difference so that you know what steps to take to be able to kick your addiction or addictions.
So let’s first talk about masturbation addiction. So masturbation addiction is being addicted to masturbating. So we all know that as teens go through puberty their sex drive is through the roof but even with that being said, most people as young as masturbation starts can exhibit self control. But what happens when the drive to masturbate becomes so much that you literally feel you can’t control it? Well, that could be a problem.
Let’s be clear though, masturbation is normal and when people masturbate in their own privacy and it doesn’t affect their mental health, cause one to neglect their personal or professional relationships, and doesn’t affect anyone else, it’s generally deemed as an okay thing to do barring any religious beliefs.
However, if you are choosing to masturbate rather than doing normal activities like hanging out with friends, family, enjoying your hobbies, and so on, then it’s time to take a deeper look into the situation. Other signs to look out for is if you are masturbating in places you know deep down are concerning, like anywhere in public or running off the restroom during a party, and so on. And last, if it’s affecting your mental health you should take it seriously. For example, if you are feeling sad or guilty after you masturbate, masturbate to cope with negative emotions, or if it’s an obsessive compulsive thought then there’s a problem.
Now let’s talk about sex addiction. Sex addiction is a bit different as it’s the obsession with having sexual intercourse with another person. But like masturbation addiction, there are certain signs to look out for such as whether or not it’s affecting your personal or professional relationships, whether your thoughts are obsessive or compulsive and so on.
Like masturbation addiction, when you have an addiction to sex it’s something that’s always on your mind. But the act itself is quite different and always involves another person. So if you are thinking about it and also acting on it then that’s a cause for concern. The bigger issues though with sex addiction is that there’s a higher chance of hurting someone else especially if you have the inability to stop the urges. It’s like being addicted to heroin and robbing someone for their stash. Nobody goes into this addiction with the intent to hurt others, the compulsion and obsession can often be too much to handle.
People who suffer from sex addiction want to have sex often, sometimes multiple times per day and because it’s not possible to find a partner who shares the same desire those with sex addiction often have multiple partners or pay for sex. Those with a sex addiction may also experience sexual fantasies with the obsessive thoughts of wanting to act on those fantasies. And like masturbation addiction there may be a feeling of guilt or remorse after the sexual act is performed.
And now let’s talk about porn addiction. Porn addiction is the addiction to watching pornography whether or not masturbation or sex is included. Pornography addiction is very common. Those who suffer from porn addiction may spend hours and hours watching porn. Like sex and masturbation addiction, if porn is interfereing with your personal or professional life it’s a problem. If you masturbate to porn does that mean you have both a masturbation and porn addiction? Not necessarily. I’ve had a lot of students in my porn class think they have a masturbation addiction and it turns out they actually don’t. If a person can only masturbate to porn then it’s likely a porn addiction. You would just ask yourself, if I didn’t have porn on would I be able to get an erection, masturbate and ejaculate without thinking or watching porn? If the answer is yes, then perhaps it’s a masturbation addiction and not a porn addiction. You see these are two very different addictions and the way to kick these addictions can be quite different. Porn addiction is the addiction to watching porn and only being able to masturbate and ejaculate to those images. Masturbation addiction is the compulsion to masturbate anytime, anywhere which may or may not include watching porn.
Okay so can you have more than one? Yes! Can you have all three? Yes. Let’s talk about that.
For example, someone who struggles with both sex and masturbation addiction may suffer from one on a larger scale than the other. For example, if someone is addicted to sex their first choice would be to have sexual intercourse with another person. But what if there is no other person to have sex with at a specific time? Someone who is addicted to just sex would have no choice but to move on or continue to search for someone to have sex and would generally not masturbate. But if someone was addicted to both sex and masturbation addiction they may search for sex first and if that wasn’t an option they would masturbate. For those who are addicted to all three there is generally a scale meaning first choice, second choice and third choice. If one of the three: sex, porn or masturbation doesn’t enter your mind regularly and you don’t act on those when you can’t partake in another one then you probably aren’t addicted to that one.
So what I want you to be able to do now is to be real with yourself and take some time to think about what addiction it is that you struggle. Again it can be one, two or all three. If it’s more than one, which one is your more dominant addiction?
The reason this is important is so that as you progress through the course you know what to focus on and what not to waste your time with. For example, if you struggle with porn and sex addiction you don’t really need to know how to stop a masturbation addiction.
But what is important, is if you struggle with more than one that you focus on both of them equally throughout the course. You don’t want to focus on kicking one addiction but still having another addiction. It’s not going to help you in the long run. The goal of this course is for you to be able to train your brain to go back to its baseline; meaning where it was before your addiction started so that you can have healthy happy relationships and feel good about yourself.
That’s all for this lecture.